his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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