We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
