Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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