but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had sex on a roof
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
