I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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