you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
