4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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