I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
no, he came in my armpit
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
