No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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