Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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