I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
