Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
