hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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