and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
