OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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