So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
