wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
