I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
