Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
