I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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