Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
