It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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