Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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