Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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