When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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