Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
