sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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