I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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