he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
