Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
