I can text with my tongue
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
