dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Im part way to drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
