Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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