I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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