He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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