miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize