You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
