what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
