Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
