those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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