I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
These tits shall not be calmed
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
