My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
