i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
