Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
