It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
