i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
