how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
