I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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