what day is it and did you see me today?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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