dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
