90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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