FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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