It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
