glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize