she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
