Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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