Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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