I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
