So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
