Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
