it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
