Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
