Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
