im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
