im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dicks are not precious.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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