I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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