I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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