can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
