so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize