Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
