come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
