Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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