guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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