He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
