o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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