Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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