Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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