Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
