i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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