well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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