I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
