Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
