Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
