soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
