Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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