I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
