i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
