She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
