Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
