Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
