My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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